Just five little words. But somehow they make you feel calm, determined and together. I have fallen in love a little bit every time someone says that. And every time I have said it to myself, I have felt a little bit more confident, sometimes even Salander-like. Because knowing what to do feels good that one second, while it still feels significant and effective. Even world changing. Often however it becomes very mundane and tedious. But still, it is comforting to know what to do. Even if it's just knowing which file to attach to a rutine mail, or which eye shadow to use. Somehow being so sure about the small mundane decisions makes it easier to give up on certainty when it comes to the big ones. The decisions that are not mine to make, things that I cannot influence in any strategic or active way. Things that are unknown, "unknowable" until they just happen and make decisions for me.
Sunday, 15 September 2013
We are almost brought up to dislike autumn. To wish for the eternal summer. Because summer means holidays, fun, beach, laziness, whereas autumn means going back to school/work, getting organised again, wearing proper footwear.
For several years now, my holiday is during the Indian summer - last days of August and first days of September, my kind of summer. Slightly cooler, yet still warm, slow paced.
Today I am curled up with a great big mug of warm drink, watching English murder mysteries. And I don't mind really. Maybe a bit reluctant to return to work, but it will be just fine. This summer has been good, hectic and calm, busy and lazy. I will always have the feeling of soft, dewy grass under my feet, the silence of fading sunsets and distant turmoil of city nightlife. Indian summer continues, I will just have to find some proper footwear and get on with it.